
all the cool kids are doing it…
those of you who know me really well [close friends, close enemies, close stalkers] know that i love nothing more than learning. learning is earning. learning is burning. learning is gurning.
here are some of the things i’ve learned in the past week, this first week of 2006:
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someone has created a song about myspace. why don’t you have a listen as i continue the list? go on. push the button. don’t push the button. change the station. change the chanellllllll….
no drama. no no myspace drama.
[thanks, .greg] -
the better care i take care of myself [e.g. drinking less, sleeping more, eating healthy, exercising, taking multivitamins, drinking green tea], the more prone i am to fall ill. seems like whenever i decide to stay in for a weekend, or whenever i get on a new health kick and start hitting the gym more frequently, i end up with in implausibly gruesome cold or flu.
on the other hand, when i spend a weekend boozing it up, making out with all sorts of gross silverlake boys, and eating fast food, i’m right as rain. maybe my body’s telling me i’m already past the point of trying to be healthy again, so why bother? i think i’ve heard my liver just shrug and go, meh?
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riding the bus in los angeles is a surprisingly fun adventure. highlights so far include: crazy old man with beard hurling obscenities towards all the ethnic minorities [fucking' slibba slobbas, coming over here to take my [hiccup] our [hiccup] jobs awww fuckit]. crazy old man without beard hurling nonsensical obscenities towards the children, none of whom would even understand the 50s-era vocabulary he was using [you wanna come over and ride on the pony? we'll go to drive in. yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't ya ya little gretchen!]
my favorite had to be the self-important teenage skateboarder boy who sat slouched for the whole bus ride, repeating the same two phrases on his cell phone to probably about 20 different callers, hey. i’m on the bus. no, i’m on the bus. what? no, i’m on the bus. yeah. uh-huh. no, i’m on the bus. the bus. i’m on the bus. yeah. are you going to hollywood tonight? yeah, me too. i’m on the bus on my way over. yeah
and also
the fucker broke my board. yeah. the fucker. he’s such a fucker, breaking my board like that. i know! it was brand new. that fucker’s buying me a new one. what? no, i’m on the bus…
i’m still waiting for keanu and sandra to jump on and rescue me.
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and, sadly, the new year started with a grim observation. the cute boy who works at the café next to my office, with whom i’ve been flirting with for the past 3 months, seems to have disappeared without a trace. i’m… [sniff]… i’m [sniff sniff] dealing with my grief in my own way, on my own terms— please don’t worry.
with the grief, of course, comes anger. how could he do this to me? just vanish, without so much as a goodbye? after all we’d been through. the knowing glances from across the counter as he’d squirt raspberry flavoring into my plastic cup, only to fill it sexily with ice cubes moments later, and then pour his hot hot mocha on top?
i never even got his name, sadly. but we’d winked at each other at least a dozen times. he was so cute… i’m almost certain he was either english or dutch [not that those two nationalities necessarily look similar, i'm just giving you my expert analysis]. in addition to his eurocute demeanor, he was my height, maybe 23, dark spikey hair, rosy cheeks and a constant smirk on his face.
the last time i saw him was late one friday night, as a i stumbled from .the abbey to .the factory… we bumped into each other in that dark alleyway connecting the two hotspots… me with a gaggle of friends, him with his arm around a girl. for 0.8 seconds we stared and smiled. it wasn’t until 4.5 seconds later that it clicked who he was and i how i recognized him.
but, by then it was too late. like kaiser ooze, he had vanished in a puff of smoke, without a trace. nice knowing you, hot café boy, nice knowing you. thanks for the memories, and the hot chai lattes.
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atif, one of my best friends in the whole universe, slept with my hot straight boyfriend, chip. as much as i poke fun at chip, i did really like the lad, and wish i had a chance to say a proper goodbye to him. instead of goodbye, though, it appears that atif gave him a little how’s your father? my boy atif has made me proud… convincing chip that he, himself, was straight, luring him back to the den of sin [a.k.a. my old bedroom] and having his way with him.
the icing [ewww... imagery] on the cake? afterwards, atif pulls up my website, showing him my blog, and doing the big reveal… guess what? i’m actually gay, and eric is one of my best mates! a ha! ha ha! ha HA! petty? perhaps. but i feel as if the balance of sexual power, of pulling politics, of the economics of sleaze has been finally restored.
well, kiddies, what have you learned so far this year? comments at right, in the tagboard, please.










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