come up and see me

like many people, music has always been an important part of my life. very similar to the aroma of grandma’s house or the scent of mom’s cooking, different songs and artists conjure up vivid memories from my ridiculous past. there are songs that remind me of each of my boyfriends, there are concerts which allow me to precisely recall different [earlier] versions of my current being.

when in high school near chicago and at university in los angeles, i used to go concerts as often as possible… depeche mode, green day, duran duran, nine inch nails, blur, oasis, underworld… flailing around, screaming emotionally, slamdancing and buying overpriced t-shirts were a crucial part of my life. in the past few weeks, i’ve been lucky enough to resume my routine, seeing one of my fave groups, bis [where i met stuart], and seeing two memebers of depeche mode: martin gore last friday promoting his solo album of cover songs, and erasure last night promoting their album of cover songs.

the martin gore show was quite amazing… martin’s always been my favorite depeche mode band member, and not just for his goldilocks looks, or his shyness, or for his amazing lyrical stylings… i’ve always been enraptured by his voice. it was a treat to hear him sing his own versions of some classic depeche mode tunes. it’s too bad that london is filled with so many die-hard fans; i could barely hear martin over the screams and cheers from the crowd. i melted into a puddle of emotional goo as he sang my current all-time favorite depeche mode tune, surrender. there’s one moment at every depeche mode concert where i lose control and break down—that was it.

after spending most of the bank holiday weekend with stuart, it was with great amusement that he agreed to see erasure with me last night. stuart is even more passionate about his music than i am about mine, and that really says a lot. putting the rest of his [amazingly attractive and charming] personality aside, his indie-kid/punk-rock persona percolates through from the very core of his being. he’s got the wrist-bands and the badges, the limited-edition import eps and signed setlists from all sorts of underground/eclectic/indie groups. but, there we were, rocking out to andy and vince, as they churned out dancey synthpop tune after tune.

in-between our modified pogoing, we did have some romantic, luvvy-duvvy moments—i mean, hey, it was an erasure concert, for chrissakes. even i was disgusted by how cute we were… two wannabe punk-rockers hugging and swaying to some camp erasure love songs. blue savannah, always, chorus, love to hate you and a few of covers, like you’ve lost that lovin’ feeling and can’t help falling in love. wicked. coincidentally, he ran off to get drinks during in my arms, which reminded me of steve, my sweet, innocent college boyfriend, who killed himself less than two years ago. in my arms was our song, and as andy and vince danced under the spotlight, i managed to sorta just stare at the stage and remember all of the good times steve and i shared… i miss him and his argyle socks.

oh man oh man oh jeez oh man, things with stuart feel so incredibly right. it’s such a wonderful feeling, and it’s been such a long time since i’ve felt precisely this way… closeless, happiness, a connection, and amazing amazing sex. nothing more, nothing less.