archive for April, 2008

thank you for noticing

as i entered the 5th floor loft in chinatown, i rapidly shook hands and/or airkissed and/or hugged all of the kids in attendance for the little saturday evening dinner party/brouhaha. it was one of those friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend situations where nobody really cared who you were or how you knew the host, but rather focused on having a gregarious time with stimulating conversation.

at first, i hung out in the kitchen area, where i caught up with friends and watched in awe as the host and her boyfriend made pasta. for me, “making pasta” usually means boiling water, dumping in a half-box of noodles, the pot boiling over, me half-heartedly straining the burnt/undercooked noodles, and then dumping in a jar of overpriced bland sauce. my friends would describe my cooking as “crunchy”.

nay—these kids had some sort of medieval torture device in full swing, and were cranking out wide ribbons of pasta which were hung with care on a special rack, and would later become ravioli. i just stood there slackjawed, sipping my elderberry martini and gently prodding all of the new faces for bits of spice [background].

i slowly connected everyone at party to one another [friends from college, ex-roommates, etc.], aside for the one roommate who was erratically doing her own thing. very cute, very skinny, very energetic, i watched this blond gal shuffle around in the background nonstop for the first hour i was there.

she would rush from her bedroom to the bathroom, wearing only a slip. then she’d sing in the bathroom while putting on makeup, coming out 5 minutes later covered in dark eyeliner. then she’d come into the kitchen, make herself a strong martini, talk loudly to her mom on her cell phone, and then go out on the balcony and smoke. 2 minutes later, she’d come in and change outfits, putting on a leather bodice. then she’d shuffle across the loft to a sewing machine, light a cigarette, and start furiously hemming some trousers. then, back to the bathroom, where she’d wash her makeup off, giggling the whole time. then, back to her bedroom, where the door would slam, and she’d come out 60 seconds later with the sniffles.

the rest of us went up to the rooftop, to grill some steak and watch the sunset over manhattan. it was the first time since last autumn that it was warm enough to enjoy the sunset outside—spring had definitely sprung. i’m a sucker for sunsets and skylines and looking down on people, so this little rooftop moment was perfect.

heading back downstairs, i saw the girl was fixing herself another cocktail. i tried not to stare as she mixed her drink, but had to ask, “wow… a bloody mary!” she smiles, looks me right in the eye, pours us each a shot of tequila, and says, “it’s my saturday night ritual” as she slams her cuervo and toasts her bloody mary to me, as a chaser which she quickly attacks.

the dinner party was, of course, entirely civilized. très adult. we all sat around and “can you pass the ravioli please” and “ooh, these brussel sprouts are exquisite” and “wow, where did you get these place settings” as the crazy roommate kept up her nonchalant coked-up dance in the background. by the time she finally left around 11:30pm, she’d done a few more costume change-cocktail-sewing machine-phone call circuits, and it seemed i was the only one to notice.

don’t tell anyone, but i felt more at home with this courtney love in training than with the respectable couples who know how to make ravioli from scratch. plus, the girl was the only one who noticed and understood why i was wearing one yellow and one purple converse sneaker. thank you for noticing.

pickle pen

when you’re 17 in indiana, prom is a very big deal.

when you’re 17 in indiana, just coming to terms with your sexuality, and have nothing but testosterone and clearasil flowing through your bloodstream, a night like prom is something you both cherish—and dread.

by the time senior prom rolled around, i’d already dealt with all of the drama of self-discovery, a wee bit of experimentation, i’d managed to come out to 2 close friends, and i’d even confronted my closeted lesbian principal [who was of no help whatsoever, but that's another story, to be sure].

5 couples rented a stretch limousine:

  • myself & kristi-lee [adorable, friendly lass, voted best dimples]
  • salem [my #1 best friend and fag-hag, best laugh] & victor [also gay, also closeted, best actor]
  • nick [my best friend 5-8th grade, voted best smile] & liz [voted friendliest]
  • matt [my best friend 1st-4th grade, most gullible] & natale [neighbor, also most gullible]
  • jen [my one and only ex-girlfriend, who had recently forgiven me for breaking up with her the previous year, after i finally told her the real reason why, best actress] & tom

not relevant to the story, but in case you were wondering, i was voted most likely to succeed, and teacher’s pet. they were right on one count, at least.

none of us had met tom before prom night [much less heard of him]. apparently jen had met him at some sort of swim class a few towns over, where tom was lifeguarding. we were all a little bit curious about this new addition to our clique, but were mostly just anxious about having the best night ever evar!

the limo picks up each couple, and at each stop we all pile out for photos [shut up mom, we gotta go!]. the last couple we pick up is jen [my ex-girlfriend] and tom [her date, the lifeguard]. we all pile out, compliment jen on her amazing dress & hair, exchange pleasantries with tom, and start posing for photos with jen’s folks [whom had finally forgiven me for breaking up with her daughter].

throughout the 5-minute long photo shoot [ok, now just the girls! ok, now eric & jen!], i notice tom glancing my way several times. my first instinct is he’s sizing me up as jen’s ex-boyfriend, trying to figure out if i’m a threat—or not—to his [presumed] interest in jen [jen assured me that not even her parents knew of my "secret"].

the 10 [!!!] of us pile into the limo, and drive the 4 miles to the not-so-fancy-but-it-will-have-to-do-considering-we’re-in-smalltown-indiana banquet hall where our “night to remember” prom is being held. along the way, i observe tom observing the 9 of us interact [most of us have been childhood friends for 8 years].

i observe that he has an all-american winning smile. i observe he has floppy blond hair, in a teen heartthrob kinda way. i observe he has rosy cheeks which create an air of permanent bashfulness. even through his rental tux, i can observe that he’s most definitely a lifeguard, with broad shoulders and a taut frame.

we spend a few hours at prom, dancing poorly to hip-hop, dancing well to country music, posing for entirely too many photos, and having as much fun as you can without drinking. unlike in the movies, nobody spikes the punch or sneaks in a flask in 1995 smalltown indiana.

we collectively decide it’s time to start phase two of our prom night—a limo ride to downtown chicago, to hang out at ed debevic’s diner. on the way to the limo, i confer with victor [the other gay in the village, whom i'm sort of friends with at this point but it's complicated so i'll mostly refer to him as an 'ally'] about this new tom lad.

as cocky and articulate as i am now, at the time neither of us could ascertain or verbalize as to whether or not tom could be p.l.u. [people like us] or not. we were both excited, though, and as we piled into the limo we somehow ended up bookending tom in the cramped backseat of the limo, much to jen [his date]’s chagrin.

it was about a 90-minute ride to chicago, filled with jokes and stories and singing and loud music and shouting out the sunroof at passing cars and reminiscing about 4th grade.

for me, it was an incredibly slow, deliberate, calculated, heart-in-my-throat, lump-in-my-pants, so-enthralling-i-might-just-faint game of pinky touching combined with knee rubbing with tom—the whole time we’re carrying on conversations with the rest of the limo, all of whom are no more than 4 feet away from us.

when you’re a closeted 17yo in indiana, i think this qualifies as 1st base.

our pinkies entwine as he presses his leg really hard into mine, our knees in a wrestling match that neither of us want to win. he glances over, smiles, and looks away as his rosy cheeks get rosier.

piling out of the limo at ed’s diner around midnight, we luckily get a table for 10. as i casually ["oh, i guess i'll just sit here"] sit next to tom [at the opposite end of the table from my date] jen shoots me an all-knowing look that makes my heart skip a beat.

oh, shit.

the wounds of our failed 6-month relationship are still very fresh for the both of us, and the last thing she needs from me is to steal her prom date [foreshadowing, anyone?], so i do my best to ignore tom. perhaps to make me jealous, perhaps because he’s confused, perhaps because he’s straight, tom is all over jen—playing with her hair, whispering in her ear, feeding her french fries.

gross.

my best friend and fag-hag salem asks if i would like to go to the front of the diner, where they have a little photo booth and gift shop and pinball machine. what the hell are you doing? she asks me as i look at merchandise in the display case. i’m going to buy a pickle pen!, i tell her, pointing at the phallic-shaped writing utensil. she grabs my arm, purses her lips and tells me, eric, don’t you dare try to steal her date! she will never speak to you again! i shrug [that's eric!] and we play some pinball and get photos taken before returning to the table.

as salem and i sit back down, tom turns to me and says we missed you! with a smirk. as i show off my purchase, he grabs it, my, that’s quite a pen you have there!. i turn to him, pretending to be angry, give. me. my. pickle pen. back! and try to snatch it. turns out this lifeguard has a very firm grip, and my attempts to retrieve said pickle pen fail.

retreating to my chili cheese fries, i see him write something on a napkin using my pen. my heart races as he scribbles sentence after sentence. he finshes his napkin note, folds in half, and hands it to… jen. she opens it, reads it, giggles and they kiss.

retreating, again, to my chili cheese fries, i catch up on gossip [in a very high-school way] with my [neglected] friends at the other end of the table [did you see what tina was wearing? who was that skanky date that scott brought?] i feel a familiar nudge against my leg, and instinctively reach under the table to grab the note that tom’s passing to me.

i turn away from the table and slyly open up the napkin:

meet me in the bathroom in 5 minutes.

xxxx,
tom

p.s. will you be my prom date?

incriminating photos.

chiefly because she wasn’t boring

“…she covered her face with powder and paint because she didn’t need it and she refused to be bored chiefly because she wasn’t boring. She was conscious that the things she did were the things she had always wanted to do.”

—zelda fitzgerald
(inspiration for the pet shop boys’ track, ‘being boring’)

sum yun gai

those who know me well know how much i cherish travel, and all the ceremonies and benefits attached to it. recently, i enjoyed an amazing holiday to australia and thailand, and over the last few weeks i’ve done my best to keep the holiday vibe percolating, to keep the enjoyable experiences at the forefront of my day-to-day, and to not allow my tanlines fade too quickly.

alas, 3 weeks back in dreary new york winter weather accompanied by the stress of returning to the office effaced that holiday spirit that was so deeply entrenched in my soul back in australasia. that is, until yesterday evening at the gym.

you can say that i’ve become a bit a gym bunny lately, not consciously, or deliberately, or with any weight attached to it. i’ve been going 3 times a week because it makes me feel good—it’s like guilt-free crack. i go often enough that it’s as automatic as my morning commute—i decide to go to the gym and the next thing i know i’m there lifting weights or doing crunches or mincing on the elliptical.

last night i was late to spin class, and as i mounted the last available cycle in the dim spin room, i felt a little chill. not a cold chill, but a little twinge of somethings-not-quite-right in the air. i clamped in, swigged some water, and started spinning and stretching as the instructor started barking out warmup instruction.

the spin room holds about 25 people on cycles, and all of the walls are mirrored to give the cramped space a larger feel, and to allow you to check out your cycling form. in the several dozen spin classes i’ve been to at this chelsea gym, there have been precisely zero cuties. nada. even if you round off! it’s gotten to the point where i don’t even bother dressing at all in an attractive or coordinated fashion [yesterday i was wearing baggy dark blue gym shorts and some kind of green t-shirt].

anyway, 1 minute and 48 seconds after i settle onto my bike, i take the opportunity to investigate this twinge that i’d felt earlier. directly behind is a thai boy who, as i focus more closely on his face in the mirror, looks so familiar that i nearly fall of my bike. as i make eye contact, he smiles and looks nervously away. again and again and again.

less than a month ago i found myself in some seedy bars in the paradise complex in phuket, thailand with a good friend of mine and a few boys we’d met along the way. tanned, blissfully relaxed, and in the final throws of a 3-week holiday, i was loving every moment of doing absolutely nothing, in the most leisurely way possible.

after a lovely dinner, we tiptoed from bar to bar, chatting and watching the world go by. each bar in this part of town puts on 2 or 3 shows every evening to draw in business. some were full-on broadway-esque revues with costumes by bob fosse and serious choreography. some were camp drag shows with faux britneys and christinas. some were less polished, with ladyboys singing and dancing local folksongs and obscure thai pop songs.

at the places we’d visited so far, in-between the shows you’d just dance and drink and gay it up [like any other trashy gay bar] and have a wonderful evening cruising and boozing and flirting and giggling. on our final night in phuket, however, one of the more gregarious doormen convinced us all to go into his club at the end of the street—hurry boys, come in come in! the show is starting now, i give you free drinks, hurry hurry!

we climb into a section of the tiny 20-seat theatre and and drink entirely too many free/cheap drinks during a 20-minute-too-long 40-minute-long show featuring lithe thai boys miming blues brothers songs and ladyboys miming mary j blige tunes. at the end of the show, the music keeps playing, and the host brings us more free drinks, and insists that we wait a few more minutes.

as the boys and i discuss the trashtastic peformance, the curtain opens in a dramatic flourish, and on stage are 16 or so skinny thai boys in hot pants, perfectly posed and polished and oiled and gelled and vaselined and smiling from ear-to-ear while bouncing to the bad asian techno music. attached to the front of each boy’s hotpants [off to the side so you can still examine the goods] is a pin with a number on it.

maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was feigned denial, or pre-emptive future-dirty-old-man guilt, but i was the last to realize that what we were looking at was a menu. a horrific, shameful, gross menu of boys that presumably fat old horny anglo westerners could choose from. by number.

throughout the rest of the spin class, number 23 keeps smiling at me in the mirror, giving me that same look that he did in phuket—slightly flirty, slightly horny, slightly hungry, and slightly bored.