1157pm on a friday night. i’ve just guzzled some more tylenol-brand bedtime decongestant cold flu minty blue liquid. my post-birthday cold/flu/cough is pretty much gone, but i figure some more of this elixir can’t hurt. i may nod off at any moment, though, so be warned!

what a smashing, smashing birthday i had! starting tuesday and continuing on my actual birthday wednesday, the love poured in via phone, email, ecard, by post and by myspace, from australia and canada and england and germany and ireland and bushland. so many lovely, witty, hilarious missives and notes and jokes and poems… i’m truly blessed to have so many thoughtful loving friends.

especially considering how crap i end at remembering other people’s birthdays. or even christmas, some years.

dinner featured a mix of boys and girls, young and old, straight and gay, and i wouldn’t have had it any other way. the 14 of us sat around that table for four hours, but to me it seemed like the blink of an eye.

my 29th birthday was not a particularly poignant one for me, and as i’ve been saying the for the past few years, i’m quite comfortable with my age, and am not even mildly worried about the big 3-0 milestone next year. i will say that i feel quite lucky to have so many l.a. friends, considering i’ve only been in town for 8 months.

i have to give manny, my boy visiting from london, mad props for the brilliant card “the higher the hair, the closer to .heaven” and of course for the brilliant cake, which had the whole wait staff at o-bar in stitches.

thanks to everyone for the lovely cards, the ecards, the notes, the phone calls, the myspace bulletins, the presents, the presence, the love, and for the smiles. there really is no greater gift to a wandering global soul like myself than to be connected to my friends around the globe—thank you!

and, no, although my cake was made out of all sorts of grade-a pharmaceuticals, my present condition (cough/sneeze/sore throat) is completely unrelated to any scandalous drug consumption, boy snogging, boy shagging, alcohol guzzling from the past week… no such activities occurred, honest!

i wouldn’t say that i’m stubborn, but anyone who knows me knows that i’m pretty much always right, and am pretty much never to blame for anything bad that happens in my life. that’s not being stubborn, is it?

with tomorrow being my birthday*, i’m feeling particularly sensitive and retrospective introspective…

—

1) i’m single because l.a. is dysfunctional

it has nothing to do with me—this city is filled with the most bizarre boys i’ve ever encountered. at first glance, i observe outrageousness and confidence. singer-songwriters belting out tunes at karaoke at hamburger mary’s. actor-waiters being outrageous as they server up fusion at p.f. chang’s.

underneath it all, is a layer of fears—fears of whether or not l.a. will chew them up and spit them out, fears of whether or not they’re beautiful enough (big problem in l.a., there’s always someone with whiter teeth, more perfect skin, a better body), or, fears of whether or not they’ll be single for the rest of their lives.

i have yet to observe a working gay relationship in l.a. that wasn’t totally dysfunctional or lopsided. couple after couple i meet, i just can’t begin to fathom why they’re together. last night was no exception.

2) i’m stuck in l.a. because i was betrayed by a friend

i promised i wouldn’t harp on it, but it’s been a year since i found out i’d be getting booted out of the u.k. i could warp the series of events that transpired a variety of ways, but the way that is easiest for me to deal with is that a good friend—whom i later learned was completely psychotic and twisted—betrayed me.

one year later, as i was driving home from dinner, i spotted him, on the corner. dysfunctionally clinging to his non-existent youth. not the first time i’ve spotted him since moving to l.a., but the first time i had the means to just accidentally swerve 2 feet and take him out in a gory 6-points-off-my-license slip of the steering wheel.

see, even a horrible accident like that wouldn’t be my fault.

3) …

—

i had a big list in my mind of all these things that aren’t my fault, a big list outlining the shocking ways in which dysfunction keeps following me. of course, being the enlightened, self-aware, introspective individual that i am, i have to contemplate that it’s no coincidence that dysfunction follows me.

nope, i take that back. i’ve just had some bad luck [mixed in with some incredibly good luck as well] over the years, and i just need to keep on keeping on…

—

* there’s a party going on in l.a. if you’re interested. for everyone else, check back here at midnight cali time for a special present from me to you. if you wanna get me something for my birthday, check out this post.

my birthday’s coming up, and i just realized that my wishlist link at right was still pointing to my amazon.co.uk wishlist, not my amazon.com wishlists:

i’m optimistic that this year my birthday will be jinx-free.

we like guitars, we like emo, we like pogo, we like angry boypop. jonny’s on an indie kick, and there’s no stopping this rock. featuring 2006’s freshest indie/rock/new wave/synthpop from both sides of the pond, 90 minutes of indie insolence for your ipod.

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