i do ladylike things!

last friday i saw three transsexuals. is that the correct term? or is transgendered individual more politically-correct? i should know this.

transsexual one
i was stumbling to work friday morning, groggier than usual for no particular reason, and also later than usual for no particular reason. as per my usual route, i was traipsing up the stairs of the collonade when in front of me, coming down the stairs was a tall 60yo man, dressed in a simple floral summer dress, heavily wrinkled face and a smattering of makeup. we made eye contact, i neither flinched nor smiled nor raised an eyebrow, but he seemed quite embarassed and scurried in the opposite direction.

he reminded me a bit of seeing ian mckellan in that christmas panto a few weeks ago, but much more immediately reminded me of emily howard, the crap transsexual from little britain.

transsexual two
my work colleagues and i usually treat ourselves to fish’n'chips on fridays, you know, for lent or something. on our way back to the office, walking through a little park in victoria, we saw a large girl rushing towards us. she was waddling quite quickly, and was quite a sight to behold—large chunky legs in an entirely-too-too-short-for-january-in-london miniskirt. she was frantically trying to stuff her gigantic breasts into a black rubber/pvc jacket that wasn’t quite zipping properly.

as she waddled past us, she stopped at her task at hand and looked up just long enough for her to shoot me evils and for me to see, in the cold gray afternoon light, a horrific smattering of makeup that would leave even the nicest of drag queens ashamed and angry.

none of my colleagues seemed to have noticed. odd.

transsexual three
a few years ago, i was invited by kirk read to attend an edgy queer spoken-word/live-music event, held in the lobby of the eros sauna in my old hometown of san francisco.

it was a mixture of angry lesbian poetry and witty gay breakup stories, but the highlight for me was this tough-looking hombre that rocked the mic [well, rocked the tiny tinny boombox] to some sexy beats, laying down lyrics like:

katastrophe used to be a girl, and he totally looks the part. muscles, a swagger, tattoos and stubble, rounded off by a punky grin. this all gives him a unique perspective, it gives him the background, and i’d say the right to [jokingly] diss lesbians and gays, and step into the usual role of macho rap star, trying to get the ladeez.

since it seems i live and breathe in the center of the gay hip-hop universe, upon my return i excitedly told marcos all about him.

a few years later, katastrophe is rocking out at club motherfucker, sharing a stage with qboy and mz. fontaine and it all comes full circle.

before the introductions happened, greg comes up to me, excitedly telling me about a cute boy he just saw in the toilets. hee hee.

after the introductions, an angry 3-foot tall lesbian, who looks not entirely unlike a midget courtney love sucker-punches me in the stomach, knocking the wind out of me. she thought i was making fun of her girlfriend.

i’d rather be a transsexual than an angry 3-foot tall lesbian.