all i wanted yesterday night was to be surrounded by fabulousness. some bizarre outfits, some made-up boys, some glamorous freaks. although i’d made quite an effort myself, trying an off-kilter hairdoo and tearing apart clothing to make my punky ensemble, i really was hoping to be the lamest person at .the cock.

i’ve been reading the biography of leigh bowery this week, which has fuelled my romanticism for the exciting hedonism of london in the 80s. fade to grey was my personal soundtrack as strolled into soho on a bleak misty friday evening.

had a few dyketastic lesboriffic cocktails with copper angie and atif at first out, before scooping up .darian and .gregiño and shoving our way into friendly society. whilst ordering our complicated cocktails, i noticed some freaky-looking man staring at me and smiling. he had one of those faux-italio leather caps to cover his bald head, and was covered top-to-tail in labels labels labels dahling. 100% not my cup of tea, obviously, but this man kept staring. i stared back [not in a friendly way—in a whodafuckdoyathinkyouare way] before recognizing him.

he’s one of the fab 5 from the pathetic uk version of queer eye for the straight guy. the show debuted last week, and it was just laughably boring. no witty one-liners, no excitement, no life-changing advice. the only thing that really had me in stitches was when they took the victim straight lad to the dentist to show him how to brush his teeth. cor blimey he had some nasty goings-on inside his mouth!

so, ditched the not-so-fab queer eye bloke only to bump into simon the biter, who, once again was visiting london for the weekend, once again didn’t bother ringing me, once again flirted with me and said at least 4 times, it’s so so so good to see you again. really. he’s off on some grand adventure across america, so i won’t have to worry about running into him over the summer and second-guessing our breakup. like i do every time i see him.

we foolishly stopped by the edge for one, as we had time to kill before jumping into .the cock at .ghetto. like your lame coworker’s houseparty, everyone was pretending to have fun but were actually just going through the motions. who goes to the edge on purpose, really?

previous trips to .the cock have been astounding. the vibe, the music, the crowd are incredibly unique and interesting, and i’ve enjoyed feeling oh-so-slightly overwhelmed by the new romantic funkiness and flavor. the music has usually been a dark blend of 80s synthpop [don't say new wave!] with cutting-edge electro. over the past few months, the hype has gone through the roof, with celebrities squeezing in, media coverage galore and queues queues queues.

what a let down! chubby wallflowers wearing boring hennes tops, dirty trainers and jeans. jeans with no rips, tears, patches or even badges! hello? fashion police? and clutching cans of red stripe. booooooring. where were the freaks? where’s the glam? i didn’t see a single lad wearing eyeliner!

the music was completely lackluster. boring 9-minute long electro b-sides, mixed one. after. the. other. we made the best of it, of course, and tore up the dancefloor, regardless. but, as the hours dragged on, and .ghetto got busier but not more interesting, one by one atif and .greg and .darian tiptoed away.

i made the best of it, chatting with similarly bored blokes, investigating the familiar faces and auditioning the 3 cuties. just as i was heading to the cloakroom to pull my ripcord and escape, i noticed a peculiar-looking girl stood by the bar. short, smiling but with a painfully pinched face, it took me a moment to realize who it was.

after her entourage cleared, i deliberately strolled over next to her, leaned up against the bar and swigged my drink. she looked up, expectantly, and smiled. i said hi, joked about the lame music, and then told her, my friend christopher is a huge fan of yours… she humbly laughed, and i continued i mean, i love your stuff too, but he’s a huge fan and she said, well, thank you.

that was really all that i had to say to björk, so i grabbed my coat and left. i phone christopher in san diego on the way home. after leaving a drunken message on his folks’ answering machine, i called his correct number to relate the news. he laughed at me, like he always does, with that disbelieving, sarcastic yet loving tone of his.

i want to be miss kitten just for a week. well, maybe not. but it sure would be fun to speak in broken english with her accent. her new album i com is out [maybe?] and there’s one standout track which we like at casa de evijhserf…

i think professional distortion will be my favorite track on i com, in the same way that lemon/lime was my favorite on richard x’s album. my favorites, which nobody else will even give a second listen to. my favorites, which they all will scoff at.

you should, you should, you should never… you. you should. you should, never. i’m a medical doctor, and i should know…

went to the cinema yesterday to see eternal spotless sunshine of jim carrey’s mind with wassup chris [the justin timberlake lookalike south african lad that i've been letting seduce me for the past 3 months]. we had a great albeit speedy date, but it caused me to realize two things: 1) altough i’ve watched dozens of films over the past few months, i hadn’t been to the cinema in ages. 2) i am so straddling the line between pretending to be american and pretending to be british… i ordered half-sweet, half-salted popcorn. fencesitter!

thanks to the bittorrent sites like suprnova and gaytorrents, i’ve watched dozens of films [and teevee shows] that i otherwise wouldn’t have had the chance to. so, here’s a short roundup of films you might enjoy watching in the near future.

eternal spotless sunshine of jim carrey’s mind was a festival for the soul, a slight workout for the brain, and i found myself oohing and aahing at the gimmicky cinematography. 4 out of 5—must see if you like gimmicky cinematography and/or don’t really care for tobey mcguire.

angels in america, a very crafty, very poignant and realistic look at some fucked up people coming to terms with their sexualities, their addicitons, their hiv-statuses, their mormonism in 1986. hbo’s miniseries treatment won many accolades, as did the original play. not just another aids story—angels is moving yet not sappy. 5 out of 5, superstar cast: al pacino, meryl streep, emma thompson, mary-louise parker, jeffrey wright.

party monster—i avoided the hype for a year or two, and finally watched this one with .gregiño. macalachalculay caulkin and seth green play flamboyant 80′s new york club kidz entirely too well. i love films which paint my hedonistic lifestyle as lame in comparison. gruesome and wandering, but also very entertaining and decadent. great music too. 3 out of 5, you’ll love it if you’re a party animal or wonder what it was like ~`back then’~.

my beautiful laundrette. i never really knew what this film was about, aside that it was some supposed ~`must see’~ queer flick from the 80s. after getting two copies of it for my birthday, i was suprised to find that it was an english film—a channel 4 film, even—and so very very british. it wove lots of subtle nuances of the issues facing 80s british culture—thatcherism, racism, the abysmal economy, queer rights—into a surprising [and surprisingly hot] love story. i’m entirely too familiar with the traumas of arranged marriages for closeted asians nowadays, and it was certainly much worse ~`back then’~. 4 out of 5, hot multiracial luvvin with daniel day-lewis.

latter days is one of those queer films that i’m glad i watched, but wasn’t particularly good. closeted mormon boy moves to big-city los angeles and—shock! horror!—has a flamboyantly gay neighbor. wonder what happens?! most of the film is incredibly formulaic, but the ending is particularly touching and intelligent. 3 out of 5, you might enjoy the la and/or mormon references if you’re from socal or utah.

last but not least is boys life 4, the fourth and best in the series of queer short film compilations from strand releasing. this compilation includes four shorts: this car up is about a scruffy [ooh!] bike messenger who falls for a nerdy [aah!] office worker. o beautiful is an atmospheric drama between a beat-up fag and his jock opressor in the middle of a corn field. ltr—long term relationship is a mockumentary about two teens who have decided they are in love, even though they just met. a deliciously harsh look at puppy love. the worst is bumping heads, which is still quite good. an overtly clichéd story of a drug-fuelled trip to the emergency room, where a boy and his queeny lover spat over their relationship. overall 4 out of 5, you’ll love this if you love queer short films.