it’s-uh-me, uh-mario!

everything2 draws shocking parallels between trainspotting and our two favourite twins in their literary criticism of the super mario brothers:

of course, i was immediately reminded about the shiggidy shiggidy shwa flash animation by monkeymofo featuring a wicked cover of the smb theme. yey idiot, i got it for two dollars. i got it, you don’t.

this, in turn, brought back images of mario’s imagine, where mario pays tribute to lennon’s classic hit—have a listen in order to [cliché warning!] lift your hopes in these troubled times.

imagine, of course, reminded me of the remix [5.5mb mp3] of nine inch nails’ closer with the smb theme.

and, lastly, if you’re running windows, you can download a program [66kb, virus-checked] which lets you play super mario brothers using your keyboard. wheee!

if that doesn’t provide the necessary fix, you should have a look at super shag land which is a flash-based game where you must collect condoms and avoid the baddies in order to secure sex with the boy/girl of your dreams. just like real life.

all these things remind me why, in 1990, i was forced to give up video games full-stop. cold turkey. i was ditching school, not sleeping, not eating because i was addicted to video games. i couldn’t stop playing my nintendo.

but, then again, video games don’t affect kids—i mean if pac man affected us as kids… we’d all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music! :twisted:

artificial. fried. pretty. frazzled. hardened.

i feel very precisely like my hair in the above picture.

maybe two years ago i was dating this lovely responsible respectible boy named phillip. he was sweet. he was nice. but, after dating him for a few months, i found out [on the night of my birthday party, no less] that he had been cheating on me.

all my friends rallied behind me — ooh that bastard! exclaimed stacy. grrr, two timer! shouted jason. nobody could believe how he could do such an evil nasty thing to me as cheat on me behind my back!.

his excuse was that we never agreed to be monogamous… that, even though we had been seeing each other for some two months, in his mind it was perfectly fine for him to continue dating cutie chris on the side. i dismissed his excuse as irresponsible and weak and sleazy and unacceptable. he says that, if i had asked him, he would’ve told me who he’d been spending the other 3.5 days [and nights] per week with.

so, i guess it comes as no surprise that i’ve been freaking out for the past week or so, as my dancecard gets progressivly fuller. my whole life, i’ve only been attacked by one cute gay boy at a time [usually with 6-12 months to recover inbetween attacks, thankyouverymuch]. but, since the new year, i’ve been attacked left, right and center by lovely boys.

the adjective lovely is the perfect descriptor—it implies an good initial impression, but no further analysis. i think there are two problems:

[1] you don’t know if someone is compatible/dateable/a good match for you until you’ve known them for a while. gone on a few dates. had a few shags. spent some boring time together. met each’s others friends. this could take, what, at least two weeks?

[2] there’s always someone better. the really sweet boy you’re on a date with isn’t as cute as the boy at the bar. the really hot boy you’re on a date with isn’t as intelligent as your cousin’s friend. and so on.

that’s why i feel dreadful with my current situation. i’m meeting simon shortly, for the first time in several weeks. we haven’t even spoken in a week, yet i have this [sinking, and hopefully naive] impression that he [still?] fancies us as monogamously dating? afterwards, we’re all descending to .heaven to meet the lovely [per above definition] irish lee, with whom i’ve spent the entire weekend [in pure bliss, mind you] with. also sure to be there will be manchester rory, with whom i had a tawdry night with on friday. waiting in the wings will be supermodel phillip, with whom i’d spent the past week chatting with online, trying to convince him that i’m not the sleazy whore that he thinks i am. and, of course, there’s wisconsin chris who i was quickly falling for just a few days ago and now is on the back burner, simply because he hasn’t rung me yet today.

see the problem?

it’s insanity.

if i were lucky, they’d all meet each other on the dancefloor tonight. they’d all find out my sleazy [?] shenanigans [?] and then, most certainly, one of two things would happen:

[1] a massive orgy, breaking my bed and violating several laws and probably the fire code.
[2] they each, in turn, dramatically splash their drinks into my face, spit on me and never speak to me again?

slag.

i haven’t had a drink nor gone out since last saturday night. yay me!

i’ve been working quite a bit, pretty much all day every day till the wee hours. setting up the new office [still] and cranking out the next issue of the mag—articles and charts and graphs and what-not. plus, to be honest, i’ve needed an escape break from the boys for a bit. which boys?

simon the biter, irish lee, supermodel phillip, porn idol phillip, and even latecomers manchester rory and fluffer ian. wisconsin chris is the only lad that i’ve really even wanted to see this week, and we spent a lovely evening together, and were awoken this morning by the jehovah’s witnesses.

the doorbell rings, i grab my bath robe, and open the door to meet two dolled-up elderly black ladies. they ask, good morning, young man, we’re with the jehovah’s witnesses. can we ask you a few questions? i say, certainly, come right in. there’s a naked boy in my bed, would you care to join us?

well, i didn’t really say that.

so, yeah, there you go. so, like, i love chatting with and spending time with wisconsin chris. he’s good people. he’s easygoing. he’s sweet. nice to me. and dead sexy.

i like[d] chatting with simon the biter. he’s got a wicked sense of humor and is politically/culturally charged. but he’s a real ripe bastard to me. but he is dead sexy. i don’t know if i should give up on him or wait and see if he changes. just. a. bit. more?

irish lee is darling and cute and cuddly. we’ve only hung out once, but i can sense a fun but wicked, sensitive but naughty personality. best shag i’ve had in… oh… um… ever? yeah, that good. we fell asleep kissing, after, um, three times.

maybe i should deal with these three lads in some fashion, and keep all the others as phone numbers in my mobile phone addressbook, which i can conveniently dial or text when i’m drunk, lonely, horny or alone [those 4 things coincide about once per evening].