drinks at the box with mark, then friendly society with andrew, then right on in to popstarz for some early evening action. was great to see the usual crew — it seemed like it had been months, and was interesting to run into some, shall we say, spirits of christmas past. random 21yo delinquent hooked up with mark, random bi indian boy kept following me around [and not just cuz i was trying to steal his wristbands], but there was one boy whose face i can’t shake.
i first noticed him a long time ago, out and about somewhere in gay london. he’s got floppy but short black hair, he’s about my height, looks a few years younger, and is trendy but not over-the-top. like, he dresses well but doesn’t overdo the accessories. he has these haunting brown eyes that are always wide-eyed, suggesting that he’s frightened and/or shy. he’s always got an incredibly bashful expression on his face, and is generally shy until we happen to make eye contact.
the eye contact seems to happen weekly
like the eye contact we made last night.
he’s apparently shy, i’m apparently shy, and we’re apparently at a stalemate. something about him fascinates me, attracts me, and for the first time in a long time i find myself incredibly incredibly attracted to someone.
as i left the club, alone, i passed him… he was getting his coat and we walked down the stairs effectively together. the tension, the awkward silly tension was so tangible. he stopped to get a magazine or something, and i just walked out the door.
i mean, why would i want to talk to him? he might reject me.
i treated myself to a chicken doner which made me feel good in a different way. it also caused the most random dream i’ve had in a long time.
i find myself at the edge of an in-ground swimming pool, which is situated in the middle of a huge grassy park. i recognize this pool from this fictional game show that i was on once [in my dream]. the first time i was on the show, i had to swim in my boxers cuz i forgot my trunks. this time, though, the producer suggested that i should find some trunks, and they’d wait for me.
so, i ran up this hill for a few minutes, get to a shack where my dad is hanging out, cooking or something. i ask him if he has any swim trunks, and he says “no, just these that i’m wearing”. it takes some convincing, but eventually i get him to give me his trunks.
with a sigh of relief, i ran back down the hill, the camera crews got ready, and we started the show.
then i woke up. damn good chicken doner kebab.
