today we will be exploring four interrelated concepts–four goals from the menu of life goals.

[1] celebritydom. being famous for the sake of being famous. usually goes hand-in-hand with money, sex, drugs, and, as west-end musicals and ‘behind the music’ documentaries would point out, being a celebrity never never brings happiness. but, always a big ego.

[2] being stalked. one of my sayings since my college days has been “everyone needs a stalker.” i stand by that statement today–although, regrettably i’ve had my share of uncomfortable experiences with stalkers. i saw a musical this evening, and after strolling around soho for a bit, i took the tube home. sitting across from me was the actor who had the lead in the show. i struck up a very normal, very unexcited conversation and he assumed i was a stalker. i was unable to convince him otherwise. see the ego tendency of celebritydom [1].

[3] fame. i’m going to manipulate this term for my own purposes, and use it solely in a postive light. fame is being known, quite possibly in a “household name” sort of way, but with little of the drama/notoriety that comes with celebritydom. fame is just being known for your acheivements and accomplishments. this is a nice thing, but usually being famous doesn’t mean much until after you’re dead.

[4] class. struggling to merge my american middle-class values with the english struggling upper-class mentalities, i find myself throwing in the towel. acknowledging the positives of upper-class lifestyles without distancing oneself from the lower-class stereotypes is an unacheivable feat. people tend to not only be confused about their class, but also deny that they’re aspiring higher or lower than fate has placed them.

what do you choose? i choose option 0… throwing these concepts away, and just being myself. tonight i’ll pursue class. tomorrow i’ll throw it all away for a night of fame. if i’m lucky, i’ll be a celebrity this weekend. just for a night or two.

i don’t want to just blend into nothingness. i don’t want to average — i want to be remarkable now. i want to be memorable, i don’t want to fade.

before the big bang of reality tv shows and game shows where you can win millions of dollars, i found myself in contestant’s row on “the price is right” with the leathery, orange-skinned bob barker.

i figured, after some 20 years of commercialism and consumerism, i’d win the pricing games with no problem whatsoever. “sue bee white clover honey is $1.39, bob”. or, “nissan forerunner 4×4 with sunroof? easy, that’s $16499″. i was all set.

my excitement, my giddiness, the fame of being on television in front of millions of people proved to be too much. i lost. but, i knew, in the back of my mind that i wouldn’t go home empty handed — they have, what they call in the industry, “fabulous parting gifts”. consolation prizes. i ended up getting a nice cordless phone, a wicked alarm clock stereo and a cafe-quality cappucino maker which a naked cowboy showed me how to use. that’s another story.

but, now, with london life, i’m a bit confused about the rules of this game show. how many rounds are there? how do i know if i’ve won? will there be parting gifts at least?

like, there’s one english boy who i utterly fancied, but we broke up after a few weeks because things weren’t working on his end. fair enough. the next night, i met this lovely californian boy who i utterly fell for. after a very romantic few weeks, he decided to move 5000 miles away. fair enough. later that same day, i meet another lovely boy who i had been interested in for some time, a friend-of-a-friend.

at least on gameshows you know that there will be commercial breaks, you know that there will be three rounds, you know, in the end, you’ll be the winner, or the loser. and maybe get some nice parting gifts.

“i have all my life to give, and all my love to give”, but, really now… throw me a bone here.